My roadmap to Comedy

The way I figure, being Canadian, I already have an advantage. Being Canadian and choosing NOT to move to the US, however…?  If I was as big as John Candy, owned a Chevy Chase (is that a 2 door or sedan?), called myself Leslie (just not Shirley), and no taller than Martin Short, I would be hotter in comedy than Ron Jeremy was to porn! Better- feed me a few lines with canned laughter, and I would could even do a comedy version of Ron Jeremy and be the hottest in comedy AND porn!  Add the colour of Russell Peters, and I would also be a cross cultural icon!!

What would my schtick be? somewhere along the lines of cheech and chong? driving down a highway in a k car with a busted tail light, pulled over by the most stereotypical ‘the police IS the law’ cop one could imagine. Told to keep your hands on the wheel, but being a thoughtful person I am, reaching behind the driver’s seat to find my wallet in my other pants….yeah, that will end very nicely, indeed. The clueless Canadian meeting the shoot and ask questions later ‘Merikun Gestapo cops. And they wonder why cops don’t get respect in the You/ Us, Eh? Civility jus ain’t heard of on the south side of the 49th. The routine would be meteoric- a single roadside incident, where my death would be recorded and simultaneously uploaded to youtube (yeah, cloud!) with views in the billions, picked up on every news channel and become the routine of comics throughout the world.  America the Fascist, revealed to all.

What’s great abut comedy? one can write and say just about anything they want, and it won’t be perceived as being too mean. The current President got elected on the bully pulpit, but now labels the press as ‘bullying’ him. He’s not really happy about comedians, either. Conan’s red hair he famously tussled to imitate Trump, is now subdued, his hair beginning to grey. Imitators and detractors that once did justice to Trump’s true voice while reading off Donalds’ tweets, now deliver the lines without emphasis, comic or dramatic. While the press is busy picking apart his double speak about the election wan’t rigged after all/ it WAS rigged, because “millions” of illegals somehow got to vote, the Press secretary is deciding how to get RID of the Press entirely (Koch/ Exxon/ Tera Party have Breitbart and the Heartland Foundation in the White house, inside Trump’s inner circle representing ‘alternative facts’)- this would be funny if it wasn’t also troubling.

 

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